bus

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. well, i'm in the process of tidying it up. everything's a bit messy. what had happened just before? today i knew would be a bad day. i know tomorrow will be bad too. monday will be worse. and all this week. today i got...

"I could try not be so hard on myself when things go wrong and try not to blame myself so much." true. hard not to find fault with yourself and blow it out of perspective. i don't really have anything constructive to say, but well done for posting it, i hope it was constructive... :) and i would jus...

i hate this. i hate it. why do i do it to myself? i hate myself. damn it all.

i think it's a case of finding a happy, detached memory or thought. like, my one is a sunset, not the ones i saw when i was travelling, because that would make me sad, but one i saw on a walk once. my other happy thing is singing "A Town Called Malice" in my head over and over, because it's my happy...

it just makes me feel that i need to get worse to show that i need to get better, if you see what i mean. the constant form-filling of the NHS, their busyness, and the feeling that if you're not risking your life then you're not a priority. i feel sorry for the NHS and respect hugely what they do an...

you're right, i haven't done so much. i try to talk. but it reverts back to the si. somehow its a lot easier for doctors etc. to talk about such an immediate problem, rather than my wishywashy self hate and fear. i will try more, it's just, i cant seem to find any counsellors. i'm on three perpetual...

i have similar. i have a lot of options, but i'm following them all up to the best of my ability and getting nowhere. i've tried the uni services, who have put me on a three-month waiting list for group sessions. i've tried the doctors, who send me to a regularly-changing CPN who asks me constantly ...

you are selfish. you will be doing this because you want to. there's no real reason behind it. so, you have so much on? it's your fault. maybe i push you too hard. but it's never enough, even the scars are never big enough. when's it stop for you? you know he'll be disappointed. are you still going ...

spoiler for ed, si, su, lang. * * * * * * * * * * * * * i hate feeling fat, i hate seeing a stomach, my thighs, i hate eating. i want to cross the line between wanting to die, and going to die. i want to have the guts to go deeper and harder and less carefully, i want to end up in hospital to have o...

:star: What motivates you to try a coping thing instead of si'ing? the look on my boyfriend's face when he sees. that's it, at the moment. :star: If you had to move twice to cope i.e. move your body, what would you do? i would put some warm clothes on, and go to bed with a good book. :star: It's thr...

i wish i could sleep in in the mornings without feeling guilty i wish i could take time off without feeling guilty i wish i could work harder and more i wish i didnt feel like such a failure i wish i didnt feel so bad in the evenings i wish i had more friends here i wish i had the confidence to talk...

thank you... this was just for me to think it through. i'm beginning to think beforehand, which i think is progress.

thank you... hope you get well soon...

nicki xxx

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. just about to. *tidies up* ok. what had happened just before? a long lonely evening working on an essay and a presentation for tomorrow. what were you thinking and feeling? tired, numb, lonely, selfish, ridiculous, poi...

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself? i'll be able to think of something else. i'll be calmer in preparation for the presentation tomorrow and the essay i have to write. what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? as well as calm...

i'm NOT this organised, i'm NOT in control, i'm tired and overworked and have too much on and DONT JUST ASSUME that because i can do the rest of the donkey work, i want to do yours. K - i know you supported me, but it doesnt just switch off. please help yourself, and please take some more interest i...

just something i discovered a few moments ago. i'm currently ploughing my way through an essay on socialism. i was beginning to feel utterly hopeless and ready to give it all up and go off and cry, when i decided to turn my little orangey lamp light on. bizarrely enough, it perked me up so much havi...

thank you, tara :D you're wonderful too. thanks for the tips, i'm going to start constructing a little box or drawer, and i'm just about to get out for a cycle ride (to the library, but you know, life goes on). i hope you have a good day today - i'm sorry that you were feeling equally numb last nigh...

i hope you're ok. if it's any help, you helped me so much last night that i didn't, and went to sleep instead. you are a clever and patient and good person for talking to me in that mood, and i'm immensely grateful. so you *are* special. :) i hope you made it through the night ok, and are having a g...

:) hi again i can't really answer 1 or 2, just agree - although access to a bathtub is limited at the moment... you have a point on no.3. i do notice my achievements, but the idea of doing anything constructive - like going to a doctor, or a counsellor - brings up all sorts of odd feelings, from "i ...

thanks very much, tara, that was really helpful. as an update, i went to the inauguration of our new chaplain, where there was a good sermon - i'm not christian, but it was clever, and interesting. and then my good friend james came up to my room and we drank juice and talked, which was fun. and a f...