#bus Guidelines
The most important thing about #bus is that everyone here is hurting.
When you interact with other people on the channel, remember that they
may be in a bad place or feeling fragile, and be as gentle as you can.
It can be tricky to balance safety against freedom of expression, but
working together we can manage to keep things steady most of the
time.
Because of recent problems in the channel, the way in which the rules
will be enforced has been changed. If you break a rule, you will
receive a warning from a channel sop. If you ignore the warning, you
will be banned from the channel for 24 hours. The sop who did the
banning will immediately report it to the sops email list along with
logs showing why the warning was made and the action was taken. Based
on that, the sops will decide whether the ban will be lifted or
continued.
If you believe you have been unfairly banned, send a statement of
your case to sops {at} buslist {dot} org (if you can't figure that
out, ask a sop for the address). Include relevant logs of channel and
private messages and explain whyyou think it was unfair.
We regret having to be so strict, but the channel's safety is our main
priority.
Please remember that the people on the channel/in the chat area
mean well and that some of them may be as confused or hurting as you
are. Try to be gentle as you interact. If you get angry, take five and
cool down before responding.
- Suicide threats, mentions of self-harm methods, personal attacks,
graphic descriptions of wounds or of abuse, graphic sexual talk, and
actually hurting yourself while you are in channel are not permitted,
period. If you cannot resist doing these things, please leave the
channel until you're more in control.
- It's okay to talk about feeling suicidal and to ask for help, but if
you ask for help people will expect you to be trying to help
yourself. Suicide threats and goodbyes aren't allowed. If you're in
crisis, realize that the people in the channel aren't trained to help
with this sort of thing. Please, if you're intensely and
immediately suicidal, call a crisis line (links to sites with
international numbers as well as US numbers), your therapist or
doctor, a hospital, or the local equivalent of 911.
- Abusive behavior toward others in channel, including threats or
/actions implying threats, are not allowed. Personal attacks or
insults are considered abusive behavior.
- Political discussions are not allowed; it seems as though whenever
the topic is politics some people cannot resist making personal
attacks on the beliefs of others. This is a support channel; if you
want to argue about politics there are other places you can do
that.
- Sexual innuendo and sexual behavior in the main channel are not
permitted. Many people have sexual abuse issues. Since peopel hav enot
been willing to stop innuendo when requested, we have no choice but to
make it off-limits. Again, if you're on irc to flirt or interact with
others in a sexual context, you can find other places to do that. #bus
is not one of them. If your sole reason for being here is that you're
looking to trade music/software or get laid, don't bother coming into
the chat; you will be asked to leave. A/S/L questions often don't go
over well, especially if they're the first thing you say when you come
in.
- If you are angry at someone, use the /ignore command to block
their messages. If you go to a sop with a problem, the first thing you
will be asked is if you put the person on /ignore. We cannot stop
someone from sending you messages or talking to you; you have to take
responsibility for protecting yourself.
- People don't know that you're upset or angry or really need to talk
when you come in. You need to tell people. Sometimes it can be hard to be
heard, but if you persist and make clear what you want, someone will
almost always respond.
- If you really need to talk about something and there's a lot of
general conversation, you should ask if someone can talk to you
privately.
- If someone says something that disturbs or offends you, stop and
breathe. They may not realize that you were offended. Either tell a
sop or ask the person privately to change the subject. If the entire
channel is talking about something that disturbs you, you can ask
someone to send you a message when the topic changes and then type
/part to leave the channel. You can also ask if anyone else is
bothered. If the topic is bothering most of the people in the
channel, then the people discussing it can be asked to take it to
private messages (you send those by typing /msg [nickname]
[message]). If a sop asks you to take it private, do it. If you
believe they were being unfair, report it to the sops email list.
- For legal reasons, you are not allowed in the channel if you are
under 13. For safety reason, this age limit applies to alters as well
as others. If you experience dissociative states, you will be
responsible for using the channel safely during those states. "my
alter made me do it" will not excuse rule violations.
- Choose a non-graphic nickname. Pick something simple and
neutral. If a sop asks you to change your nick, don't be
offended. Just politely switch to something more neutral. If a nick
bothers you, contact a sop.
- What is said here, stays here. If you think something is an emergency
exception, contact a SuperOp (listed below). This community is founded on
trust. Sometimes you may think you're helping someone by telling their
family or friends things you've heard in channel but actually your telling
makes the person's life harder.
- Be respectful of others in the chat. This is meant to be a supportive
place, after all. Please think before you type, and give yourself some
time to cool down before responding in anger. It's okay to tell someone
that you feel weird about something they're doing, but it's not okay to
attack them for doing it.
- If you're having problems (with another user or with the
program), please talk to one of the SuperOps. Their nicknames are
- sine
- dane
- emarkienna
- chococat
- shyla
- athena
- lil_poiple_ash
- trying
- LiveFree
- weezel
- mian
- Jessy
- Enjoy yourself, and relax.
More about handling topics that bother you
Sometimes topics will come up that make you feel
uneasy or a little freaked out. If it's methods-trading or a personal
attack or really graphic stuff or a suicide threat, tell a sop
immediately -- those things are definitely not permitted.
Usually, though, it's more subtle than that. The
chat is looser than the list or board, and you might find yourself
reading a conversation (a common example is food or weight) that touches
on something you have a hard time dealing with.
If this happens, it's okay to politely tell the
channel that you're not comfortable with the topic. At this point, one of
three things will happen:
- other people will chime in and say they're
not comfortable either and the people who want to stay in the old
convo will take it private;
- most people will be okay with the topic but will be willing to
change it anyway; or
- most people will be okay with the topic and want or need to
continue the conversation.
If the channel wants to continue the conversation,
you should find a way to keep yourself safe. You could ask if someone
wants to talk to you in private messages (so you're not reading the
main channel for a while), you can use /part to leave the channel for
a bit and ask someone to message you when the topic is changed, you
can leave the chat for a while, or you can (in some irc programs)
ignore the people talking about it for a while. You can also talk to a
sop about how you feel and how you can cope with the feelings you're
having.
Whichever side of a dispute you find yourself on,
remember that the people on the other side have good reasons for their
behavior (just as you have good reasons for yours). Treat them gently
and with respect. The guidelines aren't a win/lose thing; the idea is
for us all to find ways to be gentle with ourselves and each other. If
you're having a hard time being calm about a guidelines issue,
definitely take it to a sop.
This channel is first and foremost for the
support of people who self-harm. Families and friends should realize
that they may be asked to leave the channel if anyone there is
uncomfortable with their presence.
Thanks for helping keep the chat area a safe place.