#bus Guidelines

The most important thing about #bus is that everyone here is hurting. When you interact with other people on the channel, remember that they may be in a bad place or feeling fragile, and be as gentle as you can. It can be tricky to balance safety against freedom of expression, but working together we can manage to keep things steady most of the time.

Because of recent problems in the channel, the way in which the rules will be enforced has been changed. If you break a rule, you will receive a warning from a channel sop. If you ignore the warning, you will be banned from the channel for 24 hours. The sop who did the banning will immediately report it to the sops email list along with logs showing why the warning was made and the action was taken. Based on that, the sops will decide whether the ban will be lifted or continued.

If you believe you have been unfairly banned, send a statement of your case to sops {at} buslist {dot} org (if you can't figure that out, ask a sop for the address). Include relevant logs of channel and private messages and explain whyyou think it was unfair.

We regret having to be so strict, but the channel's safety is our main priority. Please remember that the people on the channel/in the chat area mean well and that some of them may be as confused or hurting as you are. Try to be gentle as you interact. If you get angry, take five and cool down before responding.

  1. Suicide threats, mentions of self-harm methods, personal attacks, graphic descriptions of wounds or of abuse, graphic sexual talk, and actually hurting yourself while you are in channel are not permitted, period. If you cannot resist doing these things, please leave the channel until you're more in control.
  2. It's okay to talk about feeling suicidal and to ask for help, but if you ask for help people will expect you to be trying to help yourself. Suicide threats and goodbyes aren't allowed. If you're in crisis, realize that the people in the channel aren't trained to help with this sort of thing. Please, if you're intensely and immediately suicidal, call a crisis line (links to sites with international numbers as well as US numbers), your therapist or doctor, a hospital, or the local equivalent of 911.
  3. Abusive behavior toward others in channel, including threats or /actions implying threats, are not allowed. Personal attacks or insults are considered abusive behavior.
  4. Political discussions are not allowed; it seems as though whenever the topic is politics some people cannot resist making personal attacks on the beliefs of others. This is a support channel; if you want to argue about politics there are other places you can do that.
  5. Sexual innuendo and sexual behavior in the main channel are not permitted. Many people have sexual abuse issues. Since peopel hav enot been willing to stop innuendo when requested, we have no choice but to make it off-limits. Again, if you're on irc to flirt or interact with others in a sexual context, you can find other places to do that. #bus is not one of them. If your sole reason for being here is that you're looking to trade music/software or get laid, don't bother coming into the chat; you will be asked to leave. A/S/L questions often don't go over well, especially if they're the first thing you say when you come in.
  6. If you are angry at someone, use the /ignore command to block their messages. If you go to a sop with a problem, the first thing you will be asked is if you put the person on /ignore. We cannot stop someone from sending you messages or talking to you; you have to take responsibility for protecting yourself.
  7. People don't know that you're upset or angry or really need to talk when you come in. You need to tell people. Sometimes it can be hard to be heard, but if you persist and make clear what you want, someone will almost always respond.
  8. If you really need to talk about something and there's a lot of general conversation, you should ask if someone can talk to you privately.
  9. If someone says something that disturbs or offends you, stop and breathe. They may not realize that you were offended. Either tell a sop or ask the person privately to change the subject. If the entire channel is talking about something that disturbs you, you can ask someone to send you a message when the topic changes and then type /part to leave the channel. You can also ask if anyone else is bothered. If the topic is bothering most of the people in the channel, then the people discussing it can be asked to take it to private messages (you send those by typing /msg [nickname] [message]). If a sop asks you to take it private, do it. If you believe they were being unfair, report it to the sops email list.
  10. For legal reasons, you are not allowed in the channel if you are under 13. For safety reason, this age limit applies to alters as well as others. If you experience dissociative states, you will be responsible for using the channel safely during those states. "my alter made me do it" will not excuse rule violations.
  11. Choose a non-graphic nickname. Pick something simple and neutral. If a sop asks you to change your nick, don't be offended. Just politely switch to something more neutral. If a nick bothers you, contact a sop.
  12. What is said here, stays here. If you think something is an emergency exception, contact a SuperOp (listed below). This community is founded on trust. Sometimes you may think you're helping someone by telling their family or friends things you've heard in channel but actually your telling makes the person's life harder.
  13. Be respectful of others in the chat. This is meant to be a supportive place, after all. Please think before you type, and give yourself some time to cool down before responding in anger. It's okay to tell someone that you feel weird about something they're doing, but it's not okay to attack them for doing it.
  14. If you're having problems (with another user or with the program), please talk to one of the SuperOps. Their nicknames are
  15. Enjoy yourself, and relax.

More about handling topics that bother you

Sometimes topics will come up that make you feel uneasy or a little freaked out. If it's methods-trading or a personal attack or really graphic stuff or a suicide threat, tell a sop immediately -- those things are definitely not permitted.

Usually, though, it's more subtle than that. The chat is looser than the list or board, and you might find yourself reading a conversation (a common example is food or weight) that touches on something you have a hard time dealing with.

If this happens, it's okay to politely tell the channel that you're not comfortable with the topic. At this point, one of three things will happen:

If the channel wants to continue the conversation, you should find a way to keep yourself safe. You could ask if someone wants to talk to you in private messages (so you're not reading the main channel for a while), you can use /part to leave the channel for a bit and ask someone to message you when the topic is changed, you can leave the chat for a while, or you can (in some irc programs) ignore the people talking about it for a while. You can also talk to a sop about how you feel and how you can cope with the feelings you're having.

Whichever side of a dispute you find yourself on, remember that the people on the other side have good reasons for their behavior (just as you have good reasons for yours). Treat them gently and with respect. The guidelines aren't a win/lose thing; the idea is for us all to find ways to be gentle with ourselves and each other. If you're having a hard time being calm about a guidelines issue, definitely take it to a sop.

This channel is first and foremost for the support of people who self-harm. Families and friends should realize that they may be asked to leave the channel if anyone there is uncomfortable with their presence.

Thanks for helping keep the chat area a safe place.